“Isn’t it crazy to think how different your world was a year and a half ago, and yet now you can’t imagine your world without her?“
This was a message a friend sent me via Facebook Messenger.
I didn’t respond to the message right away. Honestly, I wasn’t sure exactly how to answer. She didn’t notice my failure to answer her question. I started talking about diaper rash or baby drool or something else instead.
But, I thought about this question a lot. Somehow, I felt a bit guilty because I don’t feel like having a baby has totally changed who I am or how I have decided to live my life. Birthing a baby didn’t suddenly enlighten me to a deeper purpose or provide some meaning to my life that it didn’t previously have. Am I a bad mom for this?
Life is different because we have a little girl we get to share our lives with now. But, it isn’t really different at all because we still do all the things we would normally do.
We still ride bikes. A lot. After Addy was born we used my maternity leave as a vacation. We drove to California to introduce Addy to some of our family who live in LA and Palm Springs. Along the way, we stopped in Eagle and Grand Junction to ride bikes. Then got to ride some cool trail and jeep roads while we were out visiting family. Then, on the way home, we stopped for some trail riding in Gooseberry Mesa (woot-woot!), Fruita and Breckenridge. Each place we stopped, Tyson and I would take turns trading off watching Addy and riding.
We have also made 3 weekend trips to Pueblo/Canon City this winter to ride dry trail. We bring Addy with us every time. While one of us rides trail, the other can ride bike path with Addy. Or, we can hang with Addy and play with her
We also traveled to Texas to do my first bike race since getting knocked up (got 3rd in Cat 1 19-39 and missed 1st by about 1 minute) and brought Addy with us for that. Grandma Laurel babysat for us that time.
My point is… we still do all the things we always do. The only difference is that now, we do these things with Addy. This means that when we ride up and down the Horsetooth dams, we are pulling Addy along behind us in her Chariot. It’s an extra 50 pounds to drag up those hills, so it takes more time than usual. But we still do it. We have to make several stops feed her, change her diaper or entertain her. But we still do it.
We still ride our bikes and still love every second of it. It is super cool being able to experience this biking that I love so much with this new little person I love so much.
So, I’m still not sure exactly how to respond to my friend’s message. Yeah. Life is different, but not really. But could I ever imagine my life without here. Well, oddly enough, I can imagine my world without her. Without Adalynn, I would ride my bike more, possibly faster, at higher elevations and in remote locations. I would also sleep more. But, the experience of becoming a mom and being a mom has been such a unique and exciting experience. I got to experience amazing changes in my body as I carried Adalynn for 9 months. I had the awesome experience of birthing Adalynn and the excitement of finally seeing her face for the first time. Being here to care for her, and to watch her grow and change every day. Every day, discovering a bit more about the person she is becoming. I enjoy the uncertainty and adventure about what the future will be. She adds so much to my world.
She deepens how I feel about Tyson. He is an amazing person. I knew this before Adalynn was even conceived. But, watching how he interacts with her, how careful and thoughtful he is with her and with his actions around her. I love seeing his enthusiasm and excitement each time she does something new! Its been hard going back to work, but knowing she’s home with him makes it so much easier. Now that I’m working close to home (less than 3 miles by bike path), Tyson and Addy come visit at lunch.
The Bump… is gone.
My belly looks about the same as it did before I got preggers. But it didn’t happen overnight. Took about 6 months. Sorry. No more baby bump pictures :o(.